i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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