I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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