So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
