oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Randomize
