this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
