put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
