Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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