I have demons in me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
