Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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