there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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