Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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