Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The uberlube is also flammable
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
