I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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