My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
