My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
