I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize