Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
