I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
