it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
