I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
