you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
