Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize