So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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