I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
