Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do herpes really smell.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
