I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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