I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
