Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
