I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You have to summon your inner elephant
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
