i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
