I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
