Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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