Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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