I accidentally had phone sex last night
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Randomize
