you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
