I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
