the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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