Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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