VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
