if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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