This dress was meant to end up on your floor
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
