Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
