Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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