Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
