Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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