Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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