i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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