yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
