Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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