I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
