All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
