He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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