ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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