Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize