Me. At least after what I've been through.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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