idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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