We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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