wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
