Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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