i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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