You can't special order awesome
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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