Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
