I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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