fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
