I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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