I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize