I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
