I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize