I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
