a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
