I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
