ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
