You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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