my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
