I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
