with your own penis?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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