the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
