11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize