is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
