My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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