Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
