When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
