i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
