I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
