Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
