never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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