I love black thongs
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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