he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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