My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
