Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
