it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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