there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize