every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
