a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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