I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
