I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
