really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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