Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
