I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize