bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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