Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
tequila makes me forget i have legs
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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