Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
