I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
