there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
