Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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