I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
