I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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