Are we in a gay sports bar?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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