who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
