I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
