Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize