i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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